rant

How do you cope with all the silly things famous people, politicians and everyday people are doing these days. More prisons vs neglecting the environment by not supporting Kyoto? Sure, it's not a great accord and doesn't have a lot of teeth but it's the best we have at the moment and at least a starting place. But really, more prisons when crime rates are dropping and studies done don't support them? Harper must feel pretty good about himself. He has a majority so he can do what he wants too, and doesn't have to listen to scientific evidence.

Then there's Alec Baldwin, getting himself ejected from a plane the other day for having a tantrum when the flight attendant asked him to turn his cell phone off. Like the rest of us have to. So he thinks he's above the everyday in flight rules that we all have to deal with? He holds up a plane and all the other passengers who what to get somewhere on time. Someone else who thinks he can just do what he wants to and doesn't have to listen to others.

And lastly, what about those two elders and their wives who tried to cross the border into Canada with three semi-automatic pistols, a derringer-style pistol, and cowboy-style six gun and a shotgun? This was after they denied having any guns in their motor home. What were they thinking? Is there so little news filtering down from Canada to the States that they had no idea we have different gun laws here? Oh, wait a minute. They did lie to the border guards, so they must have known. A little scared of the true north strong and free, were they? Or was this just another case of someone thinking that Canadian laws didn't apply to they and that they could do what they want to.

Enough ranting. Enjoy this Xmas jingle from a very creative young man from Winnipeg, Sean Quigley.
Ra-pa-pa-pum!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrNcD34KFhM

fall

How do you deal with the bitter reality that summer has gone for another season and the fall blahs are here to stay? "It's cold and damp", I whine. No more glorious walks on a sun drenched beaches. No more garden (only the basil seems to be hanging on for dear life). The leaves are dropping in abundance. Vancouver had it's first windstorm of the season the other day. April seems like a long way away.

It's kinda like the way my body feels these days. Plus, I have already had a cold... drip, drip. Aches and pains, things are dropping (or drooping), no longer the summer body I enjoyed for so long. As the pain killer commercial tells you... "you feel rusty." I don't feel like a trooper today. Plus your body doesn't get an April. There are still the occasional hot flashes to remind me of "warmer" times. I guess they are easier to tolerate in the cool of the fall than the summer heat and humidity.

However... I have a gift certificate for a spa treatment. Squirreled away from last Christmas. I'll likely go slough some dead skin cells, maybe have a spa massage to help with some of these achy muscles. Like oil for those rusty spots. Hoping it will help me put the spring of summer back in my steps for a few days.  I may no longer have a summer body, but spring will come back to Vancouver. We'll get the garden in earlier this year I hope. Nothing like watching a garden grow to make you feel young again. I'll try to pretend that's not so long from now. Stretch. Hibernate. Sleep.

hockey

How do you go back to watching the Vancouver Canucks after such a brilliant season, but such a "hopes dashed" finish? I'm torn. The fall TV line-up is less than stellar, otherwise I think I would have waited until the end of November to tune into the Canucks again. They have been a better December/January team than early fall, and I'm having trouble handling the losses. I know that Luongo hung in for his first win of the season during the last game, but the possibility of a loss was always there.

Besides, at the end of last season I had my hospital stint thrown into the mix of emotions that was happening around the playoffs, missed several games when I was on a ventilator, and was in hospital about 5 blocks away from the riot when it broke out.  What were those people thinking? Let's give our city a black-eye for all of the North American hockey viewing audience to see? I could see the orange smoke from my hospital window and hear the helicopters circling overhead. The "code orange" alerts (mass casualties) rang every 15 minutes for most of the night, depriving us sick people of a decent night sleep. The poor nurses were rattled and weren't allowed to leave due to the code orange. Sigh.

So, do you cheer for the Canucks again, in hopes of them getting to the Stanley cup finals again, and hold your breath that the nitwits don't make their way downtown again on the last night? (Assuming that the city won't host a downtown venue again, the rioters spoiled that for the other thousands of people who just wanted to have a good time.) Or do you watch the Canucks reluctantly, with apprehension and less than the end of the year enthusiasm we all had in June. Well, I guess I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed and wish for fewer injuries, more goals, more wins and fewer shootouts. Wish. Hope. Sigh.

hummer

How do you line up in an orderly fashion to go through the car wash? Do you buy your ticket first and then get into line? Or, like this certain hummer (licence plate 471 KMD) in Vancouver today... park and block the line, while you buy your ticket? I have to admit, I have an attitude problem about hummers. And sitting behind this gold hummer that didn't even look like it needed a car wash didn't help. One tiny woman and this huge piece of steel... it just doesn't make sense to me. Especially in Vancouver, you know, where there are just so many steep, unpaved, muddy roads to be driven on (and this did not look like an off road hummer). And me with my Prius (and my ticket!), waiting for her to get her ticket and tapping my nails on the steering wheel... impatiently.

I think I actually got out of the car when she came back and said something snide like "oh, you're the one who is blocking the line!". The she said something back (you can imagine) that thankfully I couldn't hear because I had my car radio too loud and got into her gold hummer. So much for building patience, building up my karma points... I had been smug and annoyed and let her know. Then I shifted into feeling foolish for letting it get to me so much... childish, silly comment that I made to her.

So, as I was writing today, I was looking up a picture of a hummer to embellish this blog and low and behold... I found out that hummers are being phased out!!! Apparently they were not selling and GM wasn't able to find a buyer for them about 2 years ago during one of their government bailouts so ... I felt smug again. And then childish again. Sigh. But overall it is a good thing. Fewer big gas guzzling cars on the road, fewer hummer drivers (and their "everyone will just have to wait because I am a hummer owner and I deserve to be first in line even if I don't have a ticket" attitude) blocking the car wash. Do people who care more about the environment care more about others, think more about others, are less self-centred? Wait a minute... maybe I should have washed my car by hand? Or just left it dirty? Wash. Rinse. Dry.

summer

I'll be on hiatus for 10 days, off the grid, on a lake in Quebec. Canoeing. Swimming. Sun-soaking.

secrets

How can you be honest when you're asked to keep a secret? It's awkward and challenging, guarding someone else's privacy. Especially when it's from other family members. I value being upfront and direct. It doesn't mean that I can always adhere to that, or that it's always a straightforward thing to do. When I was younger, it was complicated... I felt like I needed to lie to my mom to be able to grow up and branch out. But I desperately wanted to take my own risks that I didn't have to pass by her first. Those little white lies would just roll off my tongue. Once I hit adulthood, I had to work hard to break that bad habit. But,  now it feels like "here I go again"... when asked to keep a secret, you end up lying by omission... and it's not very comfortable.

This flies in the face of trying to be scrupulously honest in one's life. Personally, I've found this life principle can have huge advantages. I don't feel like as much of an impostor as I did when I was younger... you know, that "impostor syndrome" when you worry all the time that one false move, and EVERYONE will see you for who you truly are, and it ain't pretty? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to brag about this or anything. It didn't come easily... it was hard work. But when I don't hide much from anyone, there are no secrets, no need to remember to whom I told what... it's strangely relaxing. Maybe some people find it(me) overwhelming... "TMI" and all that. But it quickly weeds out who in my life can handle that much info about me and who I am... and who can't. Like this blog, I guess. People who like what I have to say and want to hear more about me and my ramblings/opinions/musings read it, and those who think it's WAY too much information, just don't.

Secrets can do so much harm when in the wrong hands. Political secrets, secrets about abuse, incest, family secrets, government secrets... you name a group, they'll have a secret. And silencing someone has long been a tool in hands of those who have any kind power. The lack of transparency in governments, work places, and just about any locus of power drives me crazy! But I digress... back to secrets in families and being a part of that. I am really struggling with the usefulness or advisability of this. Everyone hits a time in their life where facing the music isn't pretty, but it's necessary. Secrets keep them from being fully known, warts and all... from knowing themselves better through their relationships with others through all this. I'm all for ripping the bandaid off and seeing how ugly it is underneath. As much as it hurts. Hair and all. Tug. Rip.Youch!

terror experiment update

Ok, so not to keep you in suspense, the experiment yielded interesting and unexpected results (read terror and terror 2 first to understand this entry). And as a true scientist, I am publishing my results and my rambling conclusions and you are free to draw your own as well.

So far, (I know, less that 24 hours) I have had 4 hits, all Canadian. Which leads me to draw the following possible conclusions:
1. Having already triggered all the Homeland Security, FBI and CIA filters I could trigger, they have deemed me safe, and aren't interested in following up with any planned teasing or retriggering on my part.
2. Americans have read up on compassion, fear mongering and black and white thinking since yesterday and are no longer afraid.
3. The 4 Canadian hits were from CSIS, and I need to repeat this experiment using words that might attract more hits from them.
OR...
4. The 17 hits from the States were some kind of fluke I wrote a whole blog about. How embarrassing.

So, next blog will be back to my usual format. Sorry to bother. Nothing ventured...

terror 2

How do you top having your first 17 hits in one day from America? OK,  I'll admit it, I occasionally check my stats to find out who my audience is. I am flawd after all. Some info for those of you who were like me... blog illiterate until 2 months ago, your blog stats show who has clicked on your blog. So far, I've only told a few Canadian friends and some family I am blogging therefore most of my "views" are Canadian. I've also had some random hits from Germany, Cambodia, Malaysia and 2 from the USA. Until yesterday, that is. I guess all you need to do is write a blog about terror, bombs and fear to attract the attention of America. 17 hits! That's 25% of all my hits! Wow! So, I've decided to try again (daring aren't I?). Hence...duh, duh, duh... terror 2.

Unlike Norway on Friday, there haven't been any more acts of really bad terror in the last 24 hours. Oh wait, that's not true. Someone murdered the mayor of Kabul yesterday and an AWOL US soldier with bombs and Jihadi literature was just arrested near Fort Hood. And certainly, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert talk lots about terror on their late night shows. But I figure that I have to somehow work the words missiles, assassinations and mass destruction in these four meager paragraphs to see if I can score more American attention today. I am thinking... "does Homeland Security, the CIA and the FBI have some kind of filter that picks up crazy bloggers before they can actually blow things up?" If so, how come this guy in Norway didn't set off any alarms? How did they miss that and find me 17 times?

That's why I've decided I'll do this just this one more last time... you know, just enough to tease them but not enough that they come knocking at my door. A theory. I have my personal ethics after all. I'm not THAT crazy a left-wing extremist. Just to test out this theory... what's your wager? More, fewer or the same hits as yesterday? What kinds of words are they looking for? Explosive device? Terrorism? Shoe? Underwear? OK, OK, I can hear my friends warning me that that's enough. But I do also wonder if it's just that these are the kinds of words some run-of-the mill Americans are googling? That's an even bigger question!

To answer that query, I lean toward the teachings of Micheal Moore and South Park. I believe there is a culture of fear. You can be born with black and white thinking but it can also be taught. Can it be un-taught? Only time will tell. I'm an optimist (oops, there's a little bit of personal info that slipped out there). Google "grey thinking or thinkers", there is lots of info out there about this topic. Meditation and compassion training actually change your brain structure... for the better! (sorry if that scared you.) So, here's to all the grey thinkers of the world. Wisdom can come at any age. Hip. Hip. Hur-grey!

terror

How do you deal with the likelihood that a terrorist(s) will strike in Canada at some point? It's a hard thing for me to get my mind around. Everyone loves Canada, right? When we were students hitch-hiking across Canada, sewing the Canadian flag on your backpack was considering a very smart this to do. Now that all the American students do it too, it's lost it's value. You're more likely to get mistaken for an American masquerading as a Canadian (and having to put up with the disdain that follows that), (or at least suspicion). So, as we fight side by side with the Americans and NATO in the middle east, how is our world profile now? We used to be peace-keepers. Not sure about that anymore.

Then out of the blue on Friday there was Norway. I always thought of Norway as a peace-keeping country too. Out of the way, keeps it's nose clean. In the first few hours after the bombing in Oslo and the massacre on Utoya, it was most commonly thought that Muslim extremists were behind the death toll. The pundits must have been wildly typing away on Google to come up with reasons for "why Norway?". Then the story unfolded... a Norwegian right-wing crazy. Some will judge me for using the "c" word. But really, it's what we all think when we use the word "extremist".  Some will judge me for using the word crazy in the same sentence as "right-wing". Sigh. More on that in another blog.

Then... THEN...there was Stephen Hume in his column on Saturday, July 23 in the Vancouver Sun wanting to warn us that Canada was not immune from attacks either. He told us "[we] are of high value as terror targets... precisely because so many of us don't really believe we are". Now, Stephen Hume is one of my favorite columnists in The Sun, so it was quite a shock to realise I disagreed with him. Lots of Vancourites believe we are potential targets. Maybe if you live on a Gulf Island (oops, I guess islands aren't safe anymore, are they?) instead of Vancouver proper, you don't think about terrorist attacks. But in Vancouver, the people I hang out with think about it lots. There are riots here and surveillance cameras. We had the Olympics and lots of security. That was to protect us from what... joyous Canadians? No, it's because there could have been a bomb at any minute. A lot of us know that "something wicked is bound our way". But, what kind of a life is that to live... to be in a perpetual state of fear? Is it a guy thing... to have not been aware that Canada is a potential target? I think it's possible to not be an ostrich, but not be a gun-toting, electric-fence building, fear mongerer either. Women have always known this...  don't let your fear keep you from going out at night but keep your wits about you. Live each day, be in the moment. Observe. Breathe. Be.

music

How do you find a place for music in your life, in this hectic, fast paced life we lead? And why would you do that anyway? Music is such a huge part of most teenagers' lives. I remember buying my first rock album, Alice Cooper. You know, the one with the bloody picture of Alice hanging from a noose? Freaked my mom right out... she was sure I'd gone over to the dark side, started doing drugs etc. Of course, that wasn't the case at all. But gone over to the dark side of music? Sure I had.

But that's part of the point, right? Music has a lot to do with identity. Here I was moving from Carole King (mom acceptable) to bloody, anti-school rock and roll (not). She was never able to see the virtues of this new "noisy" music I was playing on my purple and hot pink record player (where is that record player now, I wonder?). I thought it was sad, quite a loss for her. After all, my grandmother had to put up with her move from Jim Reeves to Elvis?!? didn't she? And then, what would I do when my kids started to listen to music I didn't like? Would that happen to ... gasp... me too?

Well, I've gotten lucky in a way. Hip hop became the "new" music, and as far as I can tell, no-one in the house likes it! My kids listen to Pink Floyd, and Eric Clapton. (other newer stuff too of course) They've introduced me to Green Day, Jack Johnson, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Arcade Fire. I joined a rock band in September (well, a rock band lesson) and am finally putting 8 years of classical piano lessons to good use. I may buy an electric guitar this week. My band teacher says "there is no better fountain of youth than rock and roll" and I totally believe him. Music increases endorphins when you are anticipating a musical passage that you particularly enjoy. It's also a great workout as I found out during my first lesson back. So, find music that you like and kick back. Mellow, blues, folk or rock. Turn it up as you please (and as your neighbours can tolerate). Relax. Unwind. Rock-on.

doctors

How do you know how good your doctor really is? I've had a lot of contact with the medical profession over the last 2 months. With waiting lists for most appointments, it's hard to be choosy. But I've found there are quite a wide variety of people and personalities who end up in the medical profession. And it's not all good. (it's not all bad either). Kind, compassionate caregivers to dismissive, rude know-it-alls. Also hard to take are the smooth, slick talkers who pretend to know stuff, but really don't. Almost laughable.

But... you're at the whim of whomever happens to snag your chart as you walk into the emergency room. Be polite, give your history as clearly as you can, don't be afraid to be assertive. None of this guarantees the outcome of your choice. After waiting 5 hours for a chest xray that had been promised (and may have prevented my ICU admission), I was told that no xray was going to happen, and left. It's hard not to end up doubting yourself when you feel unwell, but the doctor knows best. Right? Or the time 2 days earlier when I was admitted after a very scary ambulance ride because I couldn't breath, only to be diagnosed as "psychiatric" because I'd had 2 1/2 drinks and was babbling... likely a delirium from the sepsis I was just about to come down with. Where's House when ya need him???

But being the optimist that I am (and with the encouragement of a very wise friend of mine) I kept going back to this very same hospital and wound up being seen by one of the good ones. Who did the right tests, finally did the xray, referred me to the right specialist, basically saved my life. Met lots more of them over the next several weeks. Amazing, caring nurses too. Some of the better doctors apologized... we're all human aren't we? This is the reason I teach first year medical students year after year. Their very first interviewing course. How to take a history. How to listen to patients. How to make a diagnosis 80% of the time by talking to the patient. How to treat patients with respect, empathy and compassion. See the patient seeking help from you as individual with an illness, not as the "non-cardiac chest pain in bed 3". When I teach again this September, I'll have quite the story to tell. What to aim for, things to avoid. Take the extra time to think outside the box. Every so often, things are not what they seem. How you want to be treated. Care. Listen. See.

debt

How do you cope with debt these days? Being off work recovering (and having been off on sick leave for a few months last summer), it's hard not to accumulate some debt. Not a good time to be in debt, for sure. Interest rates are said to be on the rise. Luxuries have had to go. No dinners out, pedicures on hold (although I am suffering through this, as is anyone who has to look at my feet), vacationing in my back yard (not too hard to take with this Vancouver weather). I do have some coupons for free dinners, a spa gift cert left over from Xmas and a credit with WestJet so I can go back east in August and stay for free at my mom's cottage. These are all fairly painless decisions for an individual to make. And I am luckier than most.

But... what is that big country to the south of us to do with their debt crisis? The one where they will start defaulting on their loans if they don't have refinancing by August 2nd. And... today is July 10th. If I was that close to defaulting on my mortgage, I'd be panic stricken! Cuz' they really do take your house away! And what are they doing in congress? On the news (if what they say is to be believed), there's something of a standoff going on. Instead of working together to solve this ginormous problem, they are digging their heels in! On one side.. "no tax increases"... on the other side... "no cuts to social programs". Nobody's budging.

Maybe one side is waiting for the other side to blink first. What I'd like to know is who are they going to default to? Who holds all that debt? Not much info in the news about that, is there. My guess is that the Americans don't really want anyone to know the answer to that question. For me it's easy... one bank, just down the street. I know the manager and the tellers. But who do the States go to if they need an extra day or two because they are still stale-mated? I am assuming someone knows the answer to that question. This affects the whole world, you guys. So, I strongly suggest you get your act together and soon. Even Greece figured this one out. Because really, how can you be a world power if you can't meet a debt ceiling deadline. Look each other in the eye, go out for a nice long candlelit dinner and get to know each other as human beings. Give. Take. Blink.

tabloids

How do you walk past those tabloids at the check-out stand without looking at them? It's tough! I try and try and still those cellulite photos draw me in. It feels voyeuristic to me, and doomed to a nasty end... like a moth to a flame. Disasters on TV news do that to me too. The BP oil spill last year, the devastation of tornado alley this spring, floods just about anywhere near a river these days. Can't turn them off. But tabloids are a man-made disaster of immense proportions careening out of control, and when will it end?

In Britain, the tabloids have taken to hacking into dead peoples cell phone records, all in the name of selling their rags. Selling advertising space that is. Agonizing parents thinking their children are still alive are given false hope because their phones are still being accessed. Kidnapped children, dead soldiers. Haunting alcohol and drug addled LA stars is one thing, but tormenting parents of dead children? Now I've heard that one such rag will shut it's doors. Out of shame or to avoid the big lawsuit headed it's way?

I also hear tell that one such "newspaper" had the gall to comment on the the wardrobe of the Duchess of Cambridge... as if it is a fashion faux pas to wear the same pair of jeans 3 times in public on a 10 day trip to North America.  I'd call that smart packing! They get away with preying on everyones' insecurities. If they are going to publish and judge the "swimsuit worthiness" of some of the most photographed stars in the world... just where does that leave the rest of us poor slobs? Better buy those papers and check out the latest diets? Wrong! The only way they will ever go away is if we STOP BUYING THEM! (Spread the word!) Somebody buys them... and as much as I am bored at the checkout stand and can't look away, it's not me. Time to educate our youth (and our mothers and friends) about how to turn a blind eye. These newspapers have as much power as we give them, and if they aren't selling, their advertising revenues will dry up. So vote with your pocketbooks.  Resist. Ignore. Save.

heat

How do you enjoy the summer weather (finally!!) in Vancouver? I am still on the mend so I have really enjoyed being warm, not shivery, touring all the growing vegetation in my garden and soaking up a few rays (with sunscreen of course). Sun comes out and it's really easy to forget it was ever raining. TV weather people are forgiven (because it's all their faults, after all), Hawaii shirts are on display, and all of Vancouver's hottest patios are making money again.

So what is with these silly people leaving babies and dogs in cars and SUVs??? Is the sun emitting "Let's Forget the Living Creatures in the Heat" rays? Are we so sun-deprived that people have gotten out of the habit of looking after their puppies and little ones? Yeah, it's way easier to not drag out the stroller, especially when the kid is sleeping. And if ya come upon a hot locked car with a sweaty, screaming child or a panting pouch, ya call the police, right? Well, think again... yesterday, an RCMP officer left a 10 month old police dog in training in a police SUV in the heat on Vancouver Island! That will really help to build trust in the RCMP. Great role-modeling there, officer!

Luckily some good Samaritans passed by in all these cases, and like yesterday, saved the pup (and babes). I really liked the "portable tent-tarp and hosing down the SUV" idea. Quick thinking and brilliant. So, folks, lets all enjoy our burst of summer for as long as it lasts, but keep your thinking caps on at the same time. Maybe a boat ride you've paid big money for isn't worth a dead dog. Don't drink and drive or boat or leave the baby in the car. Watch the toddlers in the inflatable pools. Wear sunscreen. No regrets. Think. Sweat. Enjoy.

age

How do you cope with the steady advance of time, and all the slow degradation of the body and mind that goes along with it? I woke up one day and all of a sudden I was 50 (that was a few years ago). Like, when did that happen? I didn't feel 50, but my body was sure telling me I wasn't 25 anymore. Arthritis in the knees, so no more running, no more double black diamond runs, hips, backs... when will the losses end?

At least men have Viagra. That way at least a large part of them feels like when they were 25! And with a lot of focus, that swelling can can contribute to a sense of well being and youth. At least that's what the commercials say. What fountains of youth do we women have? Well, I guess we have estrogen et al, with all of the controversy that entails. Feels a bit like Russian roulette. Now the "Wise Ones" are apparently back on the side of using HRT (hormone replacement therapy) if you have symptoms that are driving you crazy (and no risk factors), for up to 5 years. Time to the next flip-flip? ...stay tuned!

My mother gave me good advise... always have a good number of younger friends, otherwise when you're older, you won't have anyone to hang out with.  (I'll save her advise about plastics and the Wolf Blitzter botox regime for another blog) Along with hormones and younger friends, as corny as it may sound, is that ever important "state of mind". You know what I mean. Don't act your age, don't go softly into the night, don't dress your age. Get a younger, non-judgemental friend or daughter to take you shopping. Music is important at any age. Find a few new bands who are writing new music THIS decade and buy their music. Work your brain, learn a new skill, write a blog (oops, gave that away didn't I), exercise, don't give up sex. You're only as old as you feel. You're only young once. Ache. Stretch. Grow.

beds

How do you keep all the different uses of beds straight? There's sleeping, of course. Then there's sex, napping and snoring. You can do exercises in bed, watch TV in bed (although not recommended if you have trouble falling asleep) and bring your lap top to bed. Slumber parties, pillow fights and wrestling matches... all this to just name a very small few. One more I'll include in here is common lingo in and amongst a group of women friends I hang out with... MIB. (man in bed) (not to exclude having anyone else in your bed, it's just that most of us are heterosexual)

This used to be the favorite excuse (ok, my favorite excuse) to not show up on a Saturday morning for a run and coffee. Teasy, kinda showy. (being sick with a doctor's note... boring, dull, yawn) New secrets and tidbits to be shared the following week. Sometimes the excuses would go on for weeks, dragging out the suspense. Of course, the excuse was supposed to be used only once, to hold the group together... as attendance was of the utmost importance.

Now that we're older and wiser, we've come to realise that a lot more holds us together than just attendance records. A weekly group of running and coffee friends for close to or over 20 years now... although I stand to be corrected. Outlasted my first marriage. Lots of sharing happens in 20 years. Now that we are all a whole important relationship older, there's a reprise of MIB happening. Haven't kissed a new man in 20 years? Tea light sex? Who's ever heard of that? New beds. New moves. New skin. New pillows. New pillow buddies. Bliss. Angst. Chills.

breath

How do you take a fairly common (these days) title for a blog entry and make it into something pertinent and topical? A lot of my friends are meditating and breathing these days... not that I am dissing them or anything. I think meditation is a great, wonderful thing I should be doing more of and don't (yet). I was just adding in that little tidbit of info because there is so much meditating and "breathing" these days, that everyone (well, no, not everyone) is writing about it, hence making it a little more challenging to add that novel "twist".

Well... here's my twist. Struggling for breath is no fun.  Makes one not want to meditate on your breath. I ended up with a serious chest infection at the end of May (hence my June hiatus) that was misdiagnosed for about a week, and there I was... all of a sudden in the ICU on mechanical ventilation. Some heavy duty drugs have wiped my ICU memory clean. For my brave family and friends, the whole thing lasted 6 days longer than I can remember.  Home now and slowly on the mend.

Breathing and not breathing... it's been all around me and in the news lately too. I've had asthma all my life. My dad died last year of pulmonary fibrosis. My mom has post-polio syndrome and is short of breath a lot of the time.The husband of one of my kid's favorite teachers and a community soccer dad died of mesothelioma a few years back. One little fibre of asbestos would have been enough. Made Chuck Strahl sick. Yet our Canadian government(s) in their infinite wisdom(s), are opposing the addition of asbestos to an international list of hazardous, controlled substances. Sounds like a lot of self-interest, "head in the sand" sort of stuff. Canada sells 95% of it's asbestos to other countries and we're spending millions to clean it out of our government buildings? Why do we want to get rid of it so badly if it is safe? If it's the difference between breathing and not breathing?

Some respiratory illnesses can't be prevented. "Idiopathic"... there's a mouthful for ya. But several important ones can be treated and major ones can be prevented. Stop smoking. There goes lung cancer, emphysema and COPD. Ban asbestos. No more mesothelioma or asbestosis. Because really, what's more important than our breath? In. Out. Sigh.

solstice

How do you celebrate the beginnning of summer when it barely feels like there has been a spring? Mind you, there have been hints...  flowers, rain (lots and lots and lots of it), robins and grass to be cut. Sure signs of spring in Vancouver. Just... not much sun. Almost always a bone of contention on the left coast. The forecast is for sun today. I'm not holding my breathe. The marine cloud is lurking, not quite ready to give up the good fight to hang on to spring.

I got a spring of sorts last week. Was sprung from a long hospitization. (count the days from my last blog, a little shorter than that) Never a good thing to stop a blog in mid blog, especially when one is a new blogger, so I've been told. Readers who don't know you well think... "well, so much for that blogger, she's dropped off the face of the map". I did kinda.

So, I plan on thinking a lot about the solstice today. 10: 16 a.m.,Wikipedia says. Transitions, longest day of the year trudging onward to December 21st. Garden is growing strawberries already (loving family responsible for the planting part.), find a labyrinth to walk, or make your own, hug your family and friends. Celebrate new, budding life... and your own. Spring. Sprung. Carpe diem.

drivers

How do you cope with the stressed drivers in our fair land? Not just the ones who are a little irritated... the ones who are really rushing mad about something! The last couple of "pre-game" drives home I've had have been exhausting; due to the absolutely necessary heightened state of concentration one needs to avoid a collision. Boy, some people are not at all willing to miss a single, solitary minute of the game, and take every action they believe is necessary in order to fulfill that need. Tailgating is my favourite pet peeve, especially when the drivers try to stare you down by leaning over their steering wheel and give you the evil eye as up-close as they can in your rear-view mirror. Driving an older, perceived slower car makes this a relatively frequent occurrence, on game night in particular.

But... I can drive! I carry a driver's licence and would only ever get pulled over if I've committed a driving infraction (happened once in my life) or was weaving in and out of lanes (never happened). I just heard that in Saudi Arabia, women STILL can't drive, along with a whole slew of other important "personhood" things they aren't allowed to do yet including crossing a border without your male guardian, voting and opening a bank account. Have I had my head in the sand? I know all about Afghanistan but I had completely missed this Saudi thing.

So, this past week I've taken a new tact to my road rage. I think about the women in Saudi who are trying to organize a march or protest of sorts on or about June 17th, to highlight this issue to the world. I think about Manal al-Sharif (pictured above) who had the temerity to post a video of her driving skills on youtube and is now spending her 7th night in jail. She has yet to be charged. I take a deep breath and enjoy the scenery, worry less about the drivers cutting me off, try to find just a little compassion for them.... they are way more stressed than me and must suffer in the face of that stress. I think about my cherished driver's licence, and remember it's a privilege, not a right. Protest. Drive. Breathe.

tupperware

How do you keep all that lovely recycled tupperware organized? At our house, it is the bane of my existence. I either ignore it or rage at it. I think because it's all stacked on a shelf just above my eye level. Requires a chair to assess size, type and to find a matching lid. I don't want to store it with the lids on tight, cuts down stacking possibilities, and besides, it gets a bit smelly.

It's been suggested I move the collection to a lower drawer. These drawers contain equally important and heavier items that could end up falling on ones heads in the midst of a rant filled searching expedition. Of course, maybe we have too much. I could give some of it away? But the day after I did, would be the day I would be looking for one particular double compartment with matching lid, and then I'd be bereft. Worse than losing my cell phone because it would have been a conscious decision.

Tupperware is an old (trademarked term) term for plastic containers with matching tight fitting lids. Truly revolutionary in my mother's era. It was also traded among friends, implied a trusted relationship, was loaded with baking and easy dinners when a friend fell sick, was home after a new baby or on bed rest for anything. I also just recently heard a touching story about the labelling of said tupperware so a friend could more easily pick up take-out for the tupperware owner who was post-op. Stacking and falling. Giving and receiving. Loving and caring. Pop. Hiss. Lock.

dads

How do you write something to say at your dad's memorial without crying? Not that I have anything against crying, but when I cry, people can't understand a word I am trying to say. There is also the crying that happens as you do the actual writing. I've given myself lots of time though, unlike my usual style, to procrastinate at EVERYTHING else in my life that could be construed as "paperwork". (Anyone who knows me should be at least chuckling by now). I can say with a straight face though, that I got this trait from my dad. The procrastination, not the crying.

He would stay up really late before a project was done. We wouldn't see him for days. He would only surface from his office in the basement to eat and then head right back down. I remember hearing him plunking away on his typewriter (yes, typewriter, you read right) and then racing over to his typist in the family car to get the final draft retyped. He had been a male secretary in a former life. 90 words a minute. That's not an inheritable trait though, domage.  That was his hard work. We never managed to convince him to switch to a word processor before he retired. Maybe he thought it would slow him down.

Another thing he taught me other than procrastination was to love hockey. It was the Montreal Canadiens at that time. Family and friends fondly remember one of his favorite hockey "screams"... "Shit, Schutt.... SHOOT!" (oh yeah, I guess that's how I learned to swear too) Two younger brothers and a hockey crazy dad (and mom), so I just had to learn, otherwise there was no TV for 4 long winter months. I finally decided to ask... "What's an offside?" and my training began. Now the Canucks are going to the Stanley Cup and Vancouver is gripped with hockey fever. I am sure my dad is around somewhere, reminiscing about Canadian hockey with Foster Hewitt. Enjoying how much I'm enjoying hockey. Sniff. Wipe. Cheers.

cold

How do you call in sick when a lot of your colleagues are going into work sick? Not only that, when I got in to work today, they had turned the heat off. Old building. It was so warm on Friday I left my window open in the office. I was cold all day, never warmed up. Dripping nose, much sneezing despite several doses of decongestant. Wait a minute... did I get this wonderful spring cold from... them???

Good thing I didn't try to get hockey tickets. At least this way I am firmly ensconced in from of my TV watching the Canucks work their magic. (oh yeah, don't read the rest of this blog if you're watching the game later on tonight on your PVR) A bowl of soup in the micro, a hot hockey beverage in hand. (back east they are called "hot toddies") Hockey rinks are too cold when you're under the weather.

Hockey rinks in cold weather climes... now that's worthy of another paragraph. Atlanta Thrashers are rumoured to be heading back to Winterpeg... good chance I think. But they'll stay in the Southeast Division? Winnipeg in the Southeast Division? A rose by any other name I guess. At least it cuts the number of NHL rinks that are melting under the hot southern May sun by 1. Puts another team back in Canada. May in Vancouver and I'm freezing in my office. Hot toddy in hand and the Canucks are up by one at the end of the first. Shit. Schutt. Shoot!

grammar

How do you write a blog when your knowledge of grammar is suspect? When I re-read my first 2 blogs, I just know, in my heart of hearts, that there are lots of grammatical errors. I was always a "B" in English type... "A" for Creativity, "C" for Grammar and Spelling. I did better in French grammar than English grammar.  They say that English is the hardest language to learn. It is my first language though. Sigh.

Someone who really seems to know his grammar is Stephen Harper. I am sure he was an "A" in English type. And now he even has speech writers! I bet HE proofreads his own speech writers speeches.  How embarrassing would THAT be... "Harper found another grammatical error in one of the speeches I wrote for him today" Those poor people. Harper would NEVER hire me to write a speech for him. Not that I would accept. I would be too tempted to plagiarize passages from other important speeches, and we all know how that has gone for him in the past.

Then there is Obama. I am sure he has speech writers, but I have heard rumours that he helps write speeches too. Plus he's a great orator. Obama strikes me as the kind of person who may even puts grammatical errors in his speeches on purpose... just because they would be common ones that the public could connect with. He does have this way of connecting to his listeners in a way that Harper just doesn't. Obama is on TV right now, connecting to the Irish. Including the Irish in his ever widening sphere of friends. Did you know he has Irish roots? An Irish 8th cousin? Me neither. He spoke to the adversity that the Irish have overcome... potato famine, war, finding democracy. Important areas of connection that Americans and Irish have in common. Potatoes. Friendship. Peace.

connection

How do you spend an evening with friends after watching the movie "Bridesmaids"? The movie over, a hand was thrust between myself and my girlfriend, a fist full of a ten dollar bill waved to attract my attention... the husband of someone in line I had given an extra ticket to earlier in the evening. Unbeknownst to me this lovely couple had ended up in the row behind us. Wouldn't take no for an answer.

As it turned out, the "found" money came in use later in the evening during my mad dash cab ride to find my cell phone. During the movie, I fought the urge to be distracted by the "who, what, where, when-ness" of my mental search. When had I last held my phone in my hot little hand?

Movie over, the game's afoot. As I used my friends' phones to call home, call the cab company, call my phone, it dawned on my how important this lost phone was to me. Not for the ease of connection with friends and family, not for the very pretty cover I bought to match my ski-jacket, not for the sense of security carrying it around gave me.... no, it was the loss of those 129 photos I had taken over the past 2 months. The loss of the moments you can connect to through photos.

An hour later, and all the searching that could be done... done, (no phone), I settled into a energizing evening of good bread, wine and connection. Our friend found us, despite not being able to text me. Amazing how that happens.We shared our moments of connection to characters in the film, to themes in the movie, moments of reconnection with our lost selves and each other. Traded knee surgery stories, shared about the responsibilities of work and children. No earthquakes, no rapture... only genuine people enjoying moments together. More photos were taken. Flash. Click. Saved.

rapture

How would you spend your last day on earth?  I heard about Rapture today on CNN... they were asking viewers to call in and let the TV audience in on how they would spend their final full day on earth as we know it. Turns out, people have given it some thought! One young man expressed gratitude that his partner had not paid their charge cards. Another wanted to tell his girlfriend she was the most wonderful woman on earth. Sigh.

Rapture parties seem like a good option to me. Get together with your nearest and dearest, tell them how you really feel, brace yourselves at 600 pm (Rapture is time zone dependent) and try to enjoy the ride! Oh... no signs of Rapture in Fiji yet.

Still, carpe diem and all that. Good wine, good friends, good music, break bread, see a funny movie, move away from your desk and get outside, ask yourselves big picture questions. Rest. Plant. Savour.